


When Loki Met Absolutely Everyone (Except Harry or Sally)

by radioaction (orphan_account)



Series: When Loki Met Absolutely Everyone (Except Harry or Sally) [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Everyone loves Loki, Fluff, Loki - Freeform, Loki gets everyone, Loki is the female protagonist only not female, Multi, Possible future sexual activity, Romantic Comedy AU, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2013-01-26
Packaged: 2017-11-26 17:29:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/652697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/radioaction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A single Asgardian finds himself attracting attention from all the wrong people when he leaves home after a falling out with his family. From Germany to NYC, he'll have to fight off the advances of several super heroes and a few agents of SHIELD before finding out who his true love is... </p><p>If The Avengers was a Romantic Comedy basically.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pretty in Green

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own The Avengers or its characters or plot.  
> Requested by the--cumberbabe on tumblr for my ask box post, hope you like it!

Loki was a young Asgardian in a strange Earth realm. He had a falling out with his dad and brother recently, and going to Germany seemed like a good idea. However he couldn't help but feel out of place...  
"Trägt dieser Mann Hörner auf seinem Hut?"  
"Der ist ein Mann??"  
Very out of place. He probably should have changed before going out to a museum. He sighed and looked at some appealing glass figures of horses when he noticed... *him*.  
An Aryan beauty stood on the other side of the glass case protecting the figurines, blonde hair swept to the side, sparkling blue eyes reflected in the glass, leather aviator jacket hiding an undoubtedly ripped body. It was a thing of fanfictions, I mean erotic tomes.  
He looked away to hide his blush. He didn't think his brother complex was that bad but evidently it made him a fan of blondes. He looked back up to sneak another peek, only to gasp when those blue eyes were turned towards him.   
"Um…" He stammered, choking on any eloquent words he had been thinking of to break the ice.  
"Oh, I'm sorry!" The blonde apologized and scratched the back of his head, embarrassed for staring. "Er, I mean… um.. Es tut mir lied, leid!" "I speak English, sir, and also no need to apologize." Loki smiled charmingly, happy to know he wasn't the most nervous person in the world right now as he thought previously.  
"Oh? Wow you really do.. I mean that I well… I don't really know anymore. I'm Steve by the way!" Steve walked around the case and offered his hand. "Might I say your outfit really steals the show here, it's like you came from another world… Thats not a bad thing!" He laughed nervously, looking like he was digging his own grave.  
He really has no idea, thought Loki, as he chuckled and shook the mans hand. They felt cold, his hands… Like winters chill. "My names Loki Odi… Laufeyson. I'm from out of town, so you're not too far off."  
"Oh really? Me too, I'm actually…"  
"Mind if I cut in Ken doll?" A smooth voice interrupted. They both turned to a man in a tuxedo, dark hair slicked back and a glass of champagne in his hand. If Steve was beautiful, Loki thought, this man was a god. So was he. Loki felt an immediate lust for the man in black and white but he hated that he was so attracted to a human that he resigned to mild irritation.  
"The names Tony, Tony Stark. And might I say you look fantastic tonight… I can't think of the right pick up line right now but give me a few minutes and--" Tony was cut off by Steve clearing his voice, obviously upset by the intruder. "You have something to say Capsicle?"  
"Capsicle?" Loki was confused, "I thought you were Steve?"  
"I am! He's just… Okay. I'm actually sort of…" Steve tried to come up with a way to say the truth without coming off like a bragging jerk who tossed his title around to get ladies. Unlike a certain someone.  
"Captain America is his other name. I know, irony~ I however have a good reason to be here." He winked,"I'm fabulous, rich, and famous. So where the money and hype is I'm going to be there. Also I'm Iron Man." He grinned and sipped his drink.  
Loki wasn't sure if that meant something but he didn't like how arrogant this Stark fellow was acting. He turned back to Steve,"Well Tin Man you interrupted a conversation I was having so please go be fabulous somewhere else."  
"So you agree I'm fabulous?"  
"Tony shut up and leave!"  
"Oh ho, make me stud."  
Loki decided it was not worth the effort to press on with this malarky and slipped away while the two men made vaguely sexual threats to each other while gazing intensely into each others eyes.  
The next day he was on a plane to New York, sitting in first class wearing a nice suit with a green scarf, reading skymall. He wondered if he should spring for the Elena Vanity Stool because it'd really go with his decor and 400 dollars wasn't too high if he'd use it everyday…  
He ignored the man across the aisle, a certain billionaire/Copper Man who had found him in the airport lobby and immediately changed his flight.  
"Hey, princess! Look over here cupcake! I have my pick up lines! That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too. No? Okay, do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package. Okay okay, lets try cute… Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see! Don't worry I got a million of them!" He took out a book of those disasters and started on page one.  
Loki was about to ask for headphones when there was a sudden strike of lightning near one of the wings, and a familiar ache filled his heart.  
"Hey, whats wrong?" Tony asked, looking sincerely concerned,"Are you afraid of lightning?"  
Loki swallowed, shaking his head as he gripped his magazine.  
"No.. I'm afraid what follows."


	2. He's Just Not That Into Thou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is confronted by his brother Thor, and tries finding an escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an AU so theres obviously a lot of changes. There's hardly any fighting, no death, lots of awkward romantic advances and the Chitauri are not involved. Everyone has a thing for Loki, but as they'd say in Highlander,  
> THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!  
> So I put together the spares according to my own ships at the moment. If you don't like a ship don't worry I focus mainly on Loki.

Loki looked out of his window seat on the airplane, hoping desperately that it was just a freak lightning and thunder storm they were flying into… but no, not so lucky.  
A familiar figure clung to the wing like a creature from a horror story, his cape nearly torn off from the wind. He thought about just letting him stay there until he flew off but he could determine that eventually Thor would try to get aboard the way he always did things. Without thinking about it first.  
With a bit of magic he has Thor standing in the aisle to the surprise of several passengers and employees, wet and clad in Asgardian armor. The only people who were not affected was Loki because was used to such sights, and Tony probably because he knew a gamma radiation monster and a super solider from the 40s as two personal friends. That and he had already drank quite a bit.  
Thor looked around the first class cabin with a glare on his face that made most turn away, before he looked at Loki we was acting nonchalant and reading again.  
The tall blonde reached down and grabbed Loki by the back of his coat and pulled him to stand.  
"Loki, come home [b]now[/b]!" He growled, making the god of mischief look at him and try his hardest to make sure he heard him. There was a bit of a fuss going on what with the strange man who just appeared on the plane and now was taking a passenger by the gruff.  
Loki rolled his eyes and took his hands to pry Thors away, sneering,"Why should I? Father has his precious heir, you have your precious lover, and Asgard is most definitely the place I want to be least."  
Thor looked hurt by his words, but only for a moment. He returned to his aggressive state, staring him down to find a lie in his eyes but there was none. The son of Odin let Loki down, sighing exasperatedly. "Brother… We thought you were gone from us forever. Mother is worried--"  
Loki almost barked out a laugh, crossing his arms as he repeated him, "Mother is worried… Thor, we are [b]not[/b] brothers. We are not even from the same realm. I don't belong in Asgard, under your shadow."  
"You were never my shadow, Loki!" His blue eyes pleaded to him, and though it was nice to be wanted, to be begged to by this once haughty god of thunder, he turned away.  
At that moment, Tony decided it was a good time to chime in.   
"Hey listen Point Break, I don't think the guy wan't to talk to you right now, comprende? So maybe you could take a seat after toweling down in the facilities and continue this pow wow after the plane has come to a full and complete stop--!!" He was picked up by Thor's strong arms before he could finish being clever. The god inspected him closely, determining if he was a threat or just an idiot to interrupt his conversation with his brother. Tony laughed a little and patted his hands," Hey now no need to get physical! I was just suggesting since the stewardess looks like she might call in the air marshal or something..."  
The woman did look frightened, and when Thor noticed how upset he had made her and others he decided that the stranger with a cocky grin might be right. He let him down and took a seat behind Loki, resigned to adhere to mortal customs until they landed.  
After Loki collected his luggage, he walked outside to look for a cab. It was really hard to act cool and distant when at the moment a norse god in full armor, a billionaire in an Armani suit, and a man straight out of a vintage comic book were following him about with his roller luggage bag. Steve had heard the commotion and insisted that he make sure Loki wasn't being stalked by a freak, and Tony still was throwing pick up lines at him. Though with Thors presence it was much more amusing.  
"I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away."  
"My brother is not a man of healing, you should seek proper medical attention."  
"Roses are red, violets are blue, how would you like it if I came home with you?"  
"My brother is not home, I am trying to remedy that. Also roses come in many colors and violets are more indigo or purple."  
"Hey Fabio could you stop interrupting I'm trying to get an answer from Loki, not you."  
"You are not even asking relevant questions."  
"I'm trying to pick him up man!"  
"Loki is not stout but you would need more proper training to lift him."  
"Thats not what I--"  
"Was that a crack at my weight Thor? Because I'm already angry with you and touching that subject would do you no pleasure." Loki said with irritation and he finally hailed down a cab and was in the process of putting his things inside the trunk.  
Thor looked very embarrassed, and was about to retract the statement when he noticed Steve was already in the car, and Loki was getting in with him. "Brother you're riding with a stranger? Please just come home with me!"  
"Or come home with me! Either one of you honestly, I'm trying to get a threesome checked off my bucket list..." Tony said over Thor shoulder. "No to you Stark, and no to you, Thor. Steve tells me of a place where I can be rid of both of you and honestly I can not hardly wait." Loki closed the cab door and as they drove off, he could see Thor standing dejectedly by the side of the pick up lane and Tony calling for a limo. Steve reached over and patted his shoulder comfortingly. "You just need a place to think things over, I promise, SHIELD can give you that." He said with a warm smile. Loki returned the expression, but inside he felt that no matter where he went, there was going to be a problem waiting for him.  
How right he was.


End file.
